You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
