The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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