I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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