Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
