Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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