I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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