So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
