U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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