hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You have to summon your inner elephant
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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