Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
