Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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