he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
