On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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