is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
