Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
