Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
