One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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