Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
