His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
