your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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