Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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