How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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