I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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