I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
