ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
