We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
