Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This baby is an asshole
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
