I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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