she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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