Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
