so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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