So drunk its hurt
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He shit in the fireplace
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
