I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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