I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
