Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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