The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
