dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
