i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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