the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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