if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
