soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
