I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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