Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Randomize
