This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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