i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
