Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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