The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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