I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
