Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
