I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
