i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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