One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
