Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
