Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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