I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
