Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
