her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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