We're facebook friends in real life
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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