Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's just like the Real World with babies
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
