Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
