i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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