she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
