Whatcha textin bout Willis?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
