So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
