So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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