I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
