hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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