Do you still have your period?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
