i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
