he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
